yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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