Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
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