i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
