well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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