Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
