it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
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Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
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The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
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