I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
