Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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