I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
