my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Randomize
