It's like a parade of train wrecks.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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