I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I can't turn off my feet"
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
