I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize