I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
