I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
