After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
