This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Who died my cat blue again?
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
