she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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