btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize