saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
