Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
We need to rekindle our bromance
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
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