i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
