it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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