Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
