Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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