Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
