So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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