And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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