Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
