yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
