This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
