Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
he was CRYING into my vagina
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
