I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
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