she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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