New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
