i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
