i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Randomize
