TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
