Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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