After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
