theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
