apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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