Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
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