Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
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