Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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