When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
