Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
