Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Randomize
