Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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