if i can run in heels then i can drive
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
