I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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