honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Randomize
