i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
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