So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Randomize
