I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
sarcasm needs its own font
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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