How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
