it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
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