Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Randomize
