ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
splinters make it hard to masturbate
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
