your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
