Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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