she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
