New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
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