I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Randomize
