I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
