hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
