I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
