They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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