come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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