his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
soo... how was my night?
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