What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
