You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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