one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Randomize
